Seung Park's Journal
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Seung Park's LiveJournal:
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| Wednesday, January 8th, 2003 | | 2:13 pm |
The End
This journal project is over. Many thanks to all who have read and commented over its two years of existence. Current Mood: the endCurrent Music: Hitoshi Sakimoto - Staff Credit | | Tuesday, December 31st, 2002 | | 2:58 pm |
10,000
Erasmus is the name of the piece that I have been working on for a little while now. It was originally started as a gift for someone who thinks way too highly of my writing ability. I wanted it to be finished on Christmas Day, but that didn't happen -- because the piece itself had taken a life of its own. Now, it stands at 10,000 words, and I am not even a quarter finished telling this tale. As it were, I think 10,000 words is a good stopping place for a gift. This release is also considered to be a public draft, and comments are welcome. Flame as you will, but beware the backdraft... <g> Mad props to everyone who has helped -- consciously or subconsciously (or, if I came after you with sharp pointy things, unconsciously) -- to make it happen. Don't mind the guy sitting in the corner with a ballpoint pen and a notebook, now... Current Mood: scribble scribble scribbleCurrent Music: Sasaki Hirofumi - The Least 333sec | | Sunday, December 29th, 2002 | | 11:15 pm |
Title Black
~8250 and counting. Current Mood:  sleepyCurrent Music: C. W. von Gluck - Dance of the Blessed Spirits | | Thursday, December 26th, 2002 | | 12:31 am |
"...an argument-fetus that had been aborted before it was given a chance to breathe..."
Remind me never to attempt works of fiction as gifts. A gift is usually time-limited -- you have a certain deadline before you must hand the gift to the recipient, and that ends up limiting the length and breadth of the story, usually. All this, of course, from someone who swore that he would not be writing another story again. Women are weird. When they wish it, they make you feel much, much more important than you actually are. Fortunately, I have my pages of manuscript and a most critical eye turned inward to guide me out of that kind of trap. It is only after you've read through your own passages -- both in your head and out loud, enunciating and exaggerating every word in order to feel the way the words fit together (and to try to bend those fittings out of shape to test their durability) -- that you realize how much your writing sucks. I have far to go in this craft, much too far. I wish for no false accolades. And I most certainly do not wish for the disappearance of my writing to be called some kind of "great loss" by anyone. Because it isn't. Actually, scratch the "women" above and replace it with "readers". That'll do. Besides, it doesn't look like I'll be stopping my writing anytime soon. This one gift remains. 6000 words down, and I'm not even half done telling this story. If this piece breaks 10000 words, I will expand it to novel-length and submit it for publication. Thank you. And damn you. You know who you are. Current Mood: uh... damn you?Current Music: (insert the sound of pen scratching on notebook paper here) | | Wednesday, December 25th, 2002 | | 1:10 am |
Someday, Someplace
Okay. Pediatrics is not for me. Wait, I'll make it more general than that. Children and I do not mix. So we won't. Current Mood:  amusedCurrent Music: Yuki Kajiura - Grandpa's Victim | | Saturday, December 21st, 2002 | | 3:39 pm |
To End Is To Begin
This semester ends. The next begins on 06 January 2003. Current Mood: sleepyCurrent Music: Taro Iwashiro - Her Most Beautiful Smile | | Friday, December 20th, 2002 | | 5:32 pm |
Vigilance
Dermatology Final Exam 11:00AM-3:00PM, 21 December 2002 This is the last. Current Mood: studiousCurrent Music: Howard Shore - Foundations of Stone | | Monday, December 16th, 2002 | | 6:56 pm |
Back and Forth, To and Fro
I should have just made up some insipid nonsense about how I was looking forward to the winter break. I should have pasted that empty smile on my face and hid behind it for all it was worth. I should have just played the quiet enigma, and been satisfied with that. And normally, I am. Why did I have to let some of that bitterness out? I will be more vigilant next time. -- I think that, when I die, my body will be donated to the medical school so that first year medical students of that time and age might be able to dissect me. I do not wish to be remembered. There will be no funerals, no weeping, no gnashing of teeth... no proof at all that I ever existed. When I cease to exist, I will forget the very reality in which I have lived -- and then I will be nothing. And as such, I think it's only fair and proper that reality forget about me. -- "Want to have children? Think for a moment before deciding to contribute to the world's overpopulation. Want to be in love? Reflect for a moment and realize that while it might take two to bring a person into this world, you leave it alone. Want to do something good and substantial with your life? Your sense of morality is filled with double standards and Sisyphus-sized loopholes." While, at the time I heard these words, I felt bitter and betrayed, I understand better now. These were not just the furious ramblings of a suicidal friend. No, these are words to live by. Too bad they aren't words to die by. -- Damn. I like this format! Current Mood: slowly shaking my headCurrent Music: Chihiro Onitsuka - suna no tate | | Saturday, December 14th, 2002 | | 10:18 pm |
| | Friday, December 13th, 2002 | | 10:41 pm |
All Truism
Anyone foolish enough to bite into a steel cheesecake would deserve to get his teeth broken, at the very least. Current Mood: very amusedCurrent Music: Yuki Kajiura - Where The Sky Is High | | Thursday, December 12th, 2002 | | 9:09 am |
No Hint of an Angel's Light
Nothing quite like finishing a 4-hour exam in 30 minutes. Current Mood: refreshedCurrent Music: Takkyu Ishino - In Yer Memory | | 6:56 am |
60 Second Sketch
Renal Sequence Final Exam 8:00AM-12:00PM; 12 December 2002 This year went by too fast. Current Mood: awakeCurrent Music: Ayana - kaze no tadoritsuku basho | | Wednesday, December 11th, 2002 | | 6:40 pm |
| | Tuesday, December 10th, 2002 | | 5:45 pm |
Stand Alone Complex
My transcription of "Where The Sky Is High" is turning out nicely, although I ended up deciding to write an arrangement that is not note-perfect at all. In fact, I've added two layered supporting parts that weren't there to begin with -- it's hard to compensate for the loss of percussion in this song. It wouldn't seem like it at first, but the more I listen to "Where The Sky Is High", I realize the central role that the percussion plays in the piece. It's more than just the heartbeat of the song -- it is the golden hawser that ties the rest of the piece safely to shore. I had finished the transcription of the notes that Yuki Kajiura had written, and I played the supposedly-finished product for myself several times. The driving, touch-the-sky quality that the original piece possessed was... totally obliterated in the transcription I had done. The only thing that was missing was the percussion part -- and that part was the most crucial one of all. It's almost as if it were the support staff in the hospital -- always there in the background, and taken for granted, but everything grids to a halt without them. The current revision of the piece has some heavily clustered chords in it, played in rapid succession. By introducing a 16th-note obligatto part for the melody to play against, I think I've recaptured some of the motion that is so crucial to this piece to begin with. I'm not entirely happy with the way it's turning up, but it's certainly much better than what I had before. I think I'll give the piece a listen again after I've completed this revision of the transcription, and I'll probably post it online. The piano is an imperfect instrument, and yet it is capable of such beauty. I wonder if the beauty that it can inspire is possible only because it is flawed? Renal sequence final exam on Thursday. Dermatology after that. Winter break after that. There are no finish lines save the ones that we create; there is no truth save that which we choose to acknowledge; there is no blindness save that which we confer unto other people. ...but I really don't know whether there is no "me" without the presence of a "you". Current Mood: studiousCurrent Music: Yuki Kajiura - Where The Sky Is High | | Wednesday, December 4th, 2002 | | 3:02 am |
2 Minute Warning
Renal Sequence Electrolytes Quiz 7:45AM, 4 December 2002 5 hours left until this quiz begins. I might wish this, or I might wish that, or I might wish that I pass this quiz with flying colors, or I might wish that my transcriptions would be finished. I might wish that the next day would begin with a nice warm breakfast, or I might wish that the next day never begin at all for me. All wishes that I could fulfill by my own hand. People can wish for anything they want, but I don't see the point in wishing for something that requires the aid of another person. The ability to wish that other people might do this or that is the root of the ability to blame other people for one's own mistakes. The story of my life is my own. This story is not yet finished. I am its sole author. I will write its end. If, in my final days, I find myself alone and shut away from all that I care about, then that is the ending that I will have chosen for myself. No blame, no recriminations. Not anymore. If I have a wish, then I will fulfill it with my own two hands. If I cannot, then I had no business making that kind of wish in the first place. 30% of a life lived. 70% to go. No time to waste. Lights out! Current Mood: PAUCI-IMMUNE RPGN!Current Music: Shinji Orito - kigi no koe to hibi no zawameki | | Saturday, November 30th, 2002 | | 4:38 pm |
Pulsus Paradoxus
I think good Christian writing is possible. Just the same way that I think that, say, good country music is possible. Current Mood: laughingCurrent Music: Ayana - kaze no tadoritsuku basho | | 2:14 am |
Oh! And!
I finally know what Nephrotic Syndrome is all about. Minimal Change Disease ROCK ON! Current Mood: tiredCurrent Music: Ayana - Last Regrets | | Friday, November 29th, 2002 | | 10:11 pm |
Prosthetics For An Emotional Cripple
I'm rather glad that such things don't exist, actually. Today is the official beginning of Project Kanon. Starting today, I will transcribe pieces from the Key visual novel "Kanon" or its affiliated TV series. I plan to transcribe the entirety of the "Piano De Kanon" album (19 tracks), and I also plan on arranging the four vocal pieces ('Last Regrets'; 'Kaze No Tadoritsuku Basho'; 'Florescence'; 'Flower') for c melodic instrument with piano accompaniment. Of all these pieces, my favorite has to be "Kaze No Tadoritsuku Basho" -- it's got all these really neat arpeggios running everywhere, and this understated voice part that would really be rendered beautifully on a flute or a violin. I am also currently working on a transcription tutorial. I'm not working on it alone, but it's going to be hard work nonetheless. It won't be textbook-quality, but I think it will serve well enough for what I want it to. It probably won't inspire many people to start transcribing, and it won't even silence the people who seem to think that taking a MIDI sequence that someone else has put together and turning that into sheet music is transcription. There's also something that I realized in regard to transcription. I get requests for certain pieces sometimes, and I'm always left wondering why the person who is requesting the transcription doesn't just go and do it him- or herself. I've mentioned this confusion to a few people, and I often get told that most people don't have the time, the patience, or the ear to be doing transcriptions. I have one request. Don't lie to me. Just admit that you're lazy. If you have neither the time nor the patience to do a transcription, then I have neither the time nor the patience to be listening to your request for one. Current Mood: industriousCurrent Music: Ayana - kaze no tadoritsuku basho | | 1:30 pm |
"Don't Forget To Smile!"
There is no such thing as an individual free enough to follow his or her dreams... at least, not any such person that you could afford to become emotionally involved in. How could anybody honestly wish to help "free" somebody without binding and imprisoning that person first with shackles as heavy as this futile existence? Even -- or especially -- if one were to give oneself as a sacrifice so that another person could go free... would that not be the cruelest and tightest kind of binding of all? It's an interesting phenomenon: suppress your imagination and join all the shades of gray in the world, and you will be scorned for being just like everyone else. Let your imagination fly free, and you will be scorned for being someone with a tenuous grasp on reality. You can't win, and that's because this world is designed to be that way. Maybe that's why some people are so into movies, video games, and other such escapes... maybe it's a way to "win" without really changing anything about one's present situation. Or maybe that's why I was into them. My mother once told me that to posess a mind like mine was a blessing and a curse. I disagree; I have proven to myself enough times this year that my mind is nothing more or less than average. The selection process is difficult enough, but once you're in, anybody could do this med school thing... at least, you can here. You're not set up to fail, and you'd have to have heard nothing and learned even less if you really wanted to fail. I don't think my mother really understands that. And I know that she truly does not understand that to label her child as special -- and then to demand that special-ness out of him even when there was none -- that was truly a blessing and a curse. There are people who ask others whether they are truly happy doing what they are doing. And the threepenny advice these people always want to dispense -- if you're not happy doing your job, do something else -- is useless. And every single time I get told that, I want to turn around and obliterate that person from both my memory and from existence. Fortunately, I don't have that kind of power. And even more fortunately, it's easy to smile blankly and walk away. So long as I don't forget to smile. Current Mood: amused x4Current Music: Taku Iwasaki - Kyrie | | Wednesday, November 27th, 2002 | | 2:49 pm |
Falling Like Salt-Laced Dewdrops
Almost time for the thanksgiving break. Too bad we have a test two days after we come back... maybe I'll have electrolyte balance and RAA-axis stuff on my mind as I attempt to munch my way through this holiday. Or something. This is what my desktop looks like right now. Fun, huh? So I've got all these episodes of X TV piled up, but I'm probably never going to watch them. Anime is fun... if you want an escape. I'm not sure how much I need one, not anymore. There's only one way for someone like me to face the world, and it's about time that I accepted that. On days like this one, I could convince myself that in order to survive, one must first abandon all vestiges of one's imagination. I wonder if I'd feel empty after having done that... or would I feel perversely free? An escape ultimately is a set of shackles that bind you to your reality that much more strongly after the daydream is over. So. The regulation of potassium, sodium, and water. Renin, angiotensin II, aldosterone. ADH, ANP, GDNF, GFRalpha1, and eya1. Let's do this. The snow no longer brings me joy. Current Mood: amused x3Current Music: Daisuke Ishiwatari - Awe of She |
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