Seung Park ([info]lightbinder) wrote,
@ 2002-12-04 03:02:00
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Current mood:PAUCI-IMMUNE RPGN!
Current music:Shinji Orito - kigi no koe to hibi no zawameki

2 Minute Warning
Renal Sequence Electrolytes Quiz
7:45AM, 4 December 2002

5 hours left until this quiz begins. I might wish this, or I might wish that, or I might wish that I pass this quiz with flying colors, or I might wish that my transcriptions would be finished. I might wish that the next day would begin with a nice warm breakfast, or I might wish that the next day never begin at all for me.

All wishes that I could fulfill by my own hand.

People can wish for anything they want, but I don't see the point in wishing for something that requires the aid of another person. The ability to wish that other people might do this or that is the root of the ability to blame other people for one's own mistakes. The story of my life is my own. This story is not yet finished. I am its sole author. I will write its end. If, in my final days, I find myself alone and shut away from all that I care about, then that is the ending that I will have chosen for myself.

No blame, no recriminations. Not anymore. If I have a wish, then I will fulfill it with my own two hands. If I cannot, then I had no business making that kind of wish in the first place.

30% of a life lived. 70% to go.

No time to waste.

Lights out!


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[info]tzen_kai
2002-12-09 01:41 am UTC (link)
Hi Seung,

My name's Kai, and I'm a friend of Caroline Sul's. She passed me on your web address because I'm a big fan of good writing and she though I might like yours. I've enjoyed it so far.

I gotta say, though, your last entry is probably the greatest lie you can tell yourself. Before, I get flame, let me just say I'm think I'm in the upper echelon of motivated people. I value indepedence, hard work, and like you, I DO hate depending on people. I would love it if I could live solely by my own hand, whether I ended up living successfully or not.

But the grand old story is that I'm really not as independent as I'd like to believe. We're all, to a limited degree, ... well, limited by the circumstances of our life. Personal will has significant impact... but so do these circumstances, too.

Just wanted to put in my two cents, because I feel it's a lesson I'm learning especially keenly recently. No man is an island.... and we all need help at times. It's been a humbling experience, I think it's helped me value relationships more.

Good luck on your quiz. It's test season for me too, so I know how life must be for you .

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[info]lightbinder
2002-12-09 06:13 am UTC (link)
I disagree. There are far greater lies one can tell oneself, and survive the telling. It's all a matter of a point of view -- humanity itself might as well be a carefully-placed framework of lies told in just such a way that one's life might have "purpose". The matter of "reality" is that it is curiously cracked, and that that people learn the lessons they claim to have learned over and over and over again.

Humanity certainly changes over time, but I wonder sometimes if the only difference between a child and an adult is that the adult has lost all hint of the open-eyed charm that many children possess.

You have also made a bad miscalculation if you think I'm going to "flame" you. You may judge the tenets by which I strive to live my life all you want -- but if you really believe I'm going to care very much, then you are mistaken. As such, I'm really not sure what you're trying to do here. If you want to get a message across, and choose to be that blunt about it, I don't think many people are going to be listening to you for very long. However, if you've written this message as an act of self-affirmation, then fine -- that's okay with me.

Please try in the future to refrain from pointing out that which you feel to be "truth" and that which you feel to be "lie". I'm trying to find that out for myself, with my own two eyes.

Oh, and finally? If you're looking for good writing -- while I am honored that you've said that you've enjoyed what I've posted here -- I think it's only fair warning to tell you that I gave up the mantle of the writer about a month ago. There will be no more short stories posted here, or anything like that.

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